5.20 PM
Future.
Geez...
I always trembling everytime thinking about this word.
and its not easy for not thinking about this word, since everytime people around me will always asking these question...
"Have you finish your college?"
"Have you graduate yet?"
"Have you working yet?"
and I can always see the look in their eye, in their face, everytime I mumble the answer, "No, not yet.."
Maybe is just what Im thinking, but, I always feel that people kinda judge me when they know Im not finish my college yet. Sometimes even they said it right in front of my face.
They will respond like this..
"Geez, not yet?"
or they even can be more harsh and respond like this.
"You haven't graduate yet? You like study that much, huh?"
What can I do to respond that kind of question?
I just put a little smile in my face, changing the topic with "so how's your life?" and push it behind my head.. Far.. Far away... Thanks God people love to talk about themself, so I can escape easily from that situation.
But its different if my own parents asking that question..
They also will ask you these question..
"What will you do after you graduate?"
"Dont just sit around there, even when you're not graduate yet, make yourself useful and do something."
or after you graduate, they will ask you this :
"You're not working yet? go get a job"
=_= and no, they will never stop until they got a really good answer.
Or until you get a job.
Its not like Im not think about my own future, you know, but when people keep asking that question, it add more stress to my head, and I just want to run...
Far far away from this life.
And I want to be left alone. Just so I don't need to think about all of that anymore.
Im pretty positive person, and on daily life, Im a happy go lucky person... But it doesn't mean that I never think or plan anything for my future or thinking about what I want to be in the future.
I have lots of thought and idea.
I want to work in PR.
I want to be a writer.
I want to be a blogger.
I want to be a pattisier.
I want to be a chocolatier.
I want to work in fashion industry,
I even want to be a MUA.
I have so many wants, but not many ways to get there.
and its also just show that I don't know what I REALLY want.
People who a bit sarcastic will say, "that just your excuse, there will be a way if you really want it, thou".
Yeah, that is my excuse, but excuse also comes with truth.
I am so clueless of my future (well, yeah, who's doesn't?)
Im feel like Im blind and I don't know who I am..
Im searching for my passion in my life but its no where around me.
To be the truth, yes, Im a lazy-ass-person. That is not a secret. Its a fact.
I also not so ambitious and a well organize people who already know what they want in their life.
Actually I just want to be chill, take my time, and let the time decide...
I want to pass through every circle of my life calmly..
"what will happen, will happen,"you know.. that kind of situation.
But people around me keep pushing me to do something meaningful.. They want me to get a job, earn money, do something brilliant. Argghhh, just make me headache..
HOW??
I really hope that I know what I want rite now, so at least I can use Law of Attraction to help me...
Signing Off.
