Ego

15 April 2013


For a few years before I was learn-and life- to believe that I will always have what I want. No matter what.

It is strongly because I have a positive minds. I believe that God will give me what I ask to. Make it happen.

It is truly happen. Otherwhise I'll not believe it till now.

Then, it also because few years ago I start to have more money to buy what I want. Im honestly said that kinda makes me hedonistic. I always have to buy stuff whenever I like it. Thank God I never have to steal or use other people money. I even never force David to buy me things for myself.

If its for clothes or other material stuff.. Im proudly said that its using whether my own money or my family gave me.

But sometimes, when u really really wants something that only your partner can gave it to you, its sucks to not have it on the first place. Especially, if you see other people can have it simply by asking to their BF.

There's a special stuff that I've been asking to David specially since my birthday. Since before my birthday. And he promise me that he'll gave it to me thou.


I've been waiting and waiting for a few months since he made promise. But still no sign of it. I even have to swallow my jealousy when one of my besties got it with out even waiting. She simply ask her BF and he bought it for her.

LUCKY GIRL.

Even Im happy for her. I honestly said that Im jealous.

It even makes me angry.

I felt that why other person can spoiled their girl that easily but mine is... I feel he's not trying hard.

But I also know that he needs time for it. Its not easy for him either.. I know that. So I try to be patient again..


Then, one day, he said.. let's not get that thing and get other things instead.

FML.

I already being patients for months and this is what I've got?

Thats when my ego talks and speaks hard to me.. Even after he explain, I was really dissapointed and super sad. Im waiting for months! Just for nothing. WTF.

Dissapointed. BIG.

But what you can do thou? Force ur BF to fulfill it??
Even after he said he can't? And there's more important things than that waiting for us in the future. How can I have heart to force him to bought it??


I was dissapointed but I can think logically. I was and meant to giving up. But still I was big dissapointed Im not willing to forget it.

Back to the first, Im a girl that wish to always have what I want. And I hate to lose. I honestly said that sometimes I jealous to other girls and wants to be ahead from them. So its makes harder for me to let it go willingly.


Then after lots of thought. I think. How can I be this greedy, selfish, egoistic bitch?? I have to learn to let go and be more patient.

I have to put the more important things ahead and try to hold on my ego.


So then.

I decide to learn to let go my ego side of me and learn how to be more sincere and humble.


I dont want to be egoistic bitch that force people around me to listen and fulfill what I want.

God give what I need more than enough.


After all, people that I love is way more important than any other stuff in the world.....



*Liz